There is a lot of dating advice out there that doesn’t make sense to me.
- Always make sure you’re the one to text him less.
- If he sends you two texts you send him one.
- And if he sends you one text you send him one-word answers.
- If he’s getting distant then you just tell him that he’s being clingy and that you need space. You just always have to reverse psychology them.
There are articles and books and movies and blogs and videos, all based purely on the concept that there is a right way to date someone.
That there is a correct combination of texts and words and behaviors that will make somebody fall in love with you without you losing your power.
I think this is bullshit.
Don’t get me wrong.
I’ll admit, when I was fifteen, I would read Cosmopolitan and Seventeen magazine and follow their advice to a “T.”
But I realized that all of this advice is based on the flawed premise that love is a game and people are prizes to be won.
And when I would follow these rules and inevitably get to know a person better and become emotionally invested in them, I would realize way too late, Wait! We’re not actually compatible.
The only dating advice you’ll ever need
I remember when I was in my late teens early twenties, I had this really long conversation with my grandma.
I was just confused and angry about love and marriage and dating and I just felt like there were so many rules you had to follow.
And I had so much anxiety about doing the wrong thing or saying the wrong thing.
And she was like “Son, the only dating advice you will ever need is to just be yourself.”
Because that way if someone falls in love with you, they’re falling in love with you and not this idea that you have presented.
It is a lot of work to maintain an idea over a long period of time.
It is quite easy to keep being yourself.
And her advice, though very simple, and straightforward, and seemingly obvious, really stuck with me as like a no-bullshit way to see who’s weirdness vibes with your weirdness.
Because if you are the kind of person who says whatever is on their mind, no matter how inappropriate or dark, your date is gonna either laugh and like it or they are gonna think that it is awkward and never call you again.
But either way, you didn’t hold back an aspect of your personality that you otherwise might have suppressed for some time.
I think it is much better to just be upfront with who you are and what the other person is signing up for.
And if they like it – great!
And if they don’t – cool! Move on and find somebody else.
And when you finally do they’ll like you for you.
Instead of this carefully curated construct that you’ve spent so much time building for them.
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